Last year 2015 marked a historic change in the Mexican Caribbean state of Quintana Roo, when same sex marriages officially became legal in the state—the same year they became legal in all 50 of the United States. Despite the new ruling there has not been an avalanche of new gay destination weddings, neither of Mexican nationals nor of international tourists. Change is coming slowly in dribs and drabs.
There are several issues related to same-sex marriages here that we must take into consideration as wedding planners for our market, and that you as fiancés or fiancées should keep in mind as well:
- Legal situation
- Cultural situation
- Provider situation
- Privacy situation
- Safety situation
All these are things to think about when deciding to hold your destination wedding here in Mexico, so here we give you the inside scoop!
LEGAL SITUATION
While the law changed last year to accept same-sex marriages here, it happened more via a legal technicality than through popular support, like in more liberal places like the Distrito Federal (Mexico City). A legal ruling in a court case found that, because the QR constitution didn’t define marriage as between a man and a woman, there was no way that the court could prevent a same-sex couple from marrying. The state Supreme Court refused to nullify the lower court ruling, and thus gay marriage became legal by default. The national Supreme Court has since ruled that no Mexican state can enforce laws against same-sex marriage, but it’s up to each state to actively change its constitution to make everything official. One by one states across the country are slowly coming around, but until then in most states it’s necessary still to file a court order to obtain a marriage license. Luckily for us here that’s not necessary, and a Gay or Lesbian couple can obtain a marriage license just as easily as for anyone. Finding a judge who is willing to perform a legal civil ceremony can still be an issue in some isolated cases, but we will let you know specifics as each case arises.
CULTURAL SITUATION:
The overall cultural situation in Quintana Roo is a complicated mix. Before the tourism boom hit here beginning 40 years ago, there were very few people living here in the jungle at all. Now there’s a majority of very conservative and traditional Maya peoples, a relatively recent influx of Mexicans from other parts of the country led here by relatively-well-paid tourism-industry jobs, and a smattering of international expatriates in the two main cities of Cancun and Playa del Carmen. Most of the tourism occurs of course at the beach—either in hotel zones like in Cancun or Tulum or in enormous all-inclusive resorts, most of which are not close to anything, hence the original need for being all-inclusive. In many ways this has had the effect of separating the tourists from the natives, except for those who are working at the hotels and who have regular contact with the guests. We personally find this separation more than a bit racist and elitist, but it also has its advantages when it comes to the privacy situation detailed below.
How you happen to feel about this cultural situation may affect your choice of venue and choice of activities during your wedding vacation. For instance, if you have an interest in learning more about the Maya culture, we can arrange private group tours to ancient ruins, for cooking classes, for spiritual cleansing ceremonies, visiting traditional indigenous communities, etc.
PROVIDER SITUATION
From our research into the current state of the wedding industry, in very general terms here, the various wedding providers still have relatively little experience handling same-sex couples, but because of the potential money involved, almost everyone is eager to work with our couples. Some are going so far as to create separate pages on their websites to reach out to our community, but you can tell pretty immediately that almost all are still using stock photography of gay or lesbian couples on the beach to illustrate those pages, and most can count on one hand how many same-sex nuptials they’ve been a part of. So, this is pretty much a completely new market in this area! We ourselves come into this area with much experience from doing same-sex nuptials in our base of Mexico City, which legalized gay marriage in 2009.
PRIVACY SITUATION
Based on the research that we have been doing for the last two years in locating suitable venues and top-notch providers, we would be remiss for not actively recommending a general rule: the more private the venue, the better for everyone. For instance, we have personally chatted with a very helpful sales representative at a beachfront property in Playa del Carmen who assured me that her hotel was gay-friendly, but as well that they preferred gay women much more than gay men, and that because they are a family-oriented resort, they couldn’t tolerate any public displays of affection or any late-night noise, etc.
We have also heard stories from more than one supposedly “gay-friendly” hotel that, when a straight person complained about same-sex kissing around the pool, it was the gay couple who was politely asked to cease and desist or leave, rather than the complainer. Thus in all good conscience, we have actively chosen to limit the types of venues that we will recommend to our clients to large private villas and small boutique hotels. Here the general rule is to complete a buyout of the whole property, taking over the place and preventing any unknown people—friendly or otherwise—from potentially affecting anyone’s experience.
Of course we will be happy to work with clients who have already chosen a different type of venue and are looking for decoration and/or coordination services. We simply are limiting the types of venues we feel we can highly recommend. We truly want you and your family and friends to be yourselves and not have to worry about what other hotel guests might think or do or say. At all the venues we recommend, we have carefully vetted the situation and have received firm assurances from the owners and/or managers that no negative remarks or actions of any kind will be tolerated from their staff. Those staff will be fully informed that a group of gay or lesbian adults will be in house during your stay. Thus, we have done what we consider due diligence, and you can rest assured that no discrimination will be tolerated.
SAFETY SITUATION
Everyone has heard at least something about the dangerous drug cartels in Mexico, and so while unpleasant, we feel we must address this situation openly and honestly. It seems to be a completely taboo subject in the Mexican tourism industry, as if even acknowledging it will scare off the tourists! The good news, if it can be characterized as such, is that the drug cartels themselves seem to realize that targeting or attacking international tourists is bad for business. Until now, there have been no reports of cartel-related incidents involving international visitors aside from “normal” street crimes, such as petty theft. Tourists simply are not the targets of the violence. They/we are seen as completely beneficial to the economy and the people here and as such are normally treated extremely well.
Here in Quintana Roo, international tourism is by far the main industry, and great pains are taken to ensure our safety. People also take great pains to ensure that tourists here don’t hear about the violence that does take place between Mexicans. You could only read about it in the Spanish-language press. So very conveniently, if you don’t speak Spanish, you don’t know what all is really happening and you’re unaffected by it! The dirty little secret is that most business owners with shops and restaurants not only have to bribe the police to “protect” them. They must also pay representatives from the local cartel to again “protect” them. It is simply considered another cost of doing business here, and is common in Latin America.
Bottom line: you should of course be very concerned about your safety while in Mexico on vacation, just as you should be very concerned about your safety while at home. But the risk to international tourists here in Quintana Roo is currently extremely small, for the reasons outlined above.